Sometimes, I think I need to just sit down at my computer, stick a pencil up my nose and start banging away at the keys in order to make myself write. I remember a time when the pencil up my nose wasn't necessary and when I would be the utmost relieved to finally have a moment to express myself in words. It was easy back then. The thoughts, the emotions and the stories just seemed to flow from me as I processed them. They never told the truth I was expecting to find when I was done but something that needed to be said was and I could walk away knowing that.
I haven't really sat down to write since I got back to school. I can't really make myself write anymore. This is terrible and even though it sounds like complete and utter discombobulation, I cannot bring myself to close this entry and let it delete itself. I need to have some product for my forced writing exercise.
There doesn't really seem to be anything I have to say anymore. I don't think I really have a belief system strong enough to make claims about anymore. I think that that needs to be reinvented and reinvigorated before I can start believing in the power of words again. I think that the more I embrace being a woman and the feminist perspective I am now just starting to flaunt, the more I will be able to say.
That perhaps the further I recede into myself, the further I will be from the heart of writing: human experience. But that's an entirely different issue for another time. The whole point being that I can't write anymore to save my ever-loving soul. All I want to do is watching television and not move from the peaceful land in which nothing happens and I don't allow anyone around me enough to hurt me.
And that's all she wrote, folks.
