Through My Jade Specs.

jad·ed [jey-did] (adj.): 1. worn out or wearied, as by overwork or overuse. 2. a constant state of being for most CCM students, esp during the run or tech week of a production. 3. a state of being which requires one to don black clothes and a pair of jade specs (see specs).

sp·ec·s [sp·ek·s] (noun): the slang word for a fierce pair of eyeglasses.

I’ve been writing at my desk for the past three days. Dana says that I sit at my desk when I am lonely or when something is bothering me. It’s kind of funny because it is true but also because the location of my desk would suggest the entirely opposite motivation. My desk is the first thing you see when you open my door, whereas my bed is cleverly hidden behind my closet so that no one can find me. Normally coated in mounds of paperwork and books, I shift the usual desk crap only once in a while to reveal a small section of the wooden surface. So here I sit, wedged between my papers from today, my tissue box from last quarter, my three hole punch and my poetry book that is a staple on this messy array.

Yesterday, my desk meant a space to work. It meant me separating myself from dorm society to finish my project of the moment: a self-help book called Through My Jade Specs. Hours of tracing and writing and typing and doodling compiled itself in this short pamphlet designed to make people smile. When I was finished, I ran down the hall showing off my accomplishment. And, God, did that make me happy. I loved seeing people happy about my work and listening, excitedly, to my words.

The project started because I was sitting at Starbucks free-writing about how dead I felt inside and how much I needed some inspiration to give me a bit of purpose. Yes, I admit, that entire free-write was a bit overdramatic (I compared myself to an exploding soda bottle and said that the only vibrant thing in my life was my new hot pink cover for my eReader. It hit a whole new level of pathetic.), but it did lead me to the idea for my pamphlet. Designed as a part workbook/journal/doodle pad, I wanted to share simple tips and wise words to make people smile. The book includes quotes, to-do lists, love lists, text messages and a few pieces of advice. I have no idea what I am going to with it but it made me happy to make it.

I just want people to be happy because I want to be happy. I want them to be happy and I want that happiness to make me happy. Writing is such a selfish art. It wants its audience and it wants to be the only coherent voice in the room. It wants to be the center of attention and the reason people smile or cry.

One writes to make a home for oneself, on paper, in time and in others' minds. - Alfred Kazin